


Though I've Tried Before To Tell Him

by disunvncia



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: (Indirect) Love Confessions, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, But it's okay, Friendship, M/M, Unrequited Love, a wee bit of crying, ha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:34:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25065478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disunvncia/pseuds/disunvncia
Summary: What if Eddie doesn’t love Buck?There is no alternative ending. There is no hopeful future. Eddie just… doesn’t love him.------------------REWRITING//HIATUS
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 86





	Though I've Tried Before To Tell Him

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this work is a line from, "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" by The Police.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of really excited about this fic! This idea for them has always been on the back of my mind since I first thought about it. I hope you guys like it.
> 
> There will be a chapter two and three; Including an epilogue.

“Buck?” Chris asks. For some reason his demeanor renders shy.

“Yeah, buddy?” Buck’s voice can’t help but be wary. Christopher has the same tone he carries each time he feels like he’s overstepping or doing something wrong.

“Do you love my dad?”

Where did that come from? It was just a normal Saturday. Both Buck and Eddie had the day off and decided to have a little Buckley-Diaz game night since they had the opportunity for the first time in a while.

After one long-ass game of monopoly (worth it) and a few rounds of go-fish, they decided to wrap it up and call it a night. Buck is currently collecting and boxing the card deck, while Chris procrastinates going to bed, and Eddie grabs extra pillows and blankets for Buck. 

When Chris asked the out-of-the-blue question, Buck was planning on rolling his eyes playfully and scolding him to stop stalling and go get ready for bed. But then there was that tone in his voice. And it worried Buck; had Christopher heard something to make him think Buck didn’t like Eddie? They’ve always been careful not to argue in front of Chris if the time had come up, but even then… they’d been fine all night. So...what gives?

Buck sighs, standing to put the cards atop the stack of games on one of the shelves, before picking Christopher up and sitting them down on the couch next to each other. “Do I love your dad?” he clarifies.

Christopher slowly nods his head, still in that same shy mannerism. 

“Of course I do, buddy,” Buck comfortingly rubs the kid’s shoulder, his voice going soft like it usually does when he talks to him. “You _and_ your dad. You guys are my best friends.” He stops rubbing his shoulder to gently pinch his cheek, dropping his hand to rest where it was before.

Chris’s shoulder leaves the contact of Buck’s hand when he rolls his eyes and flops backwards on the couch, arms outstretched like he’s been wounded. Buck’s always admired this about him; how adorable he is when he acts like a drama queen. Even when he starts whining alongside that. “Nooo. I don’t mean like _thaaat_.” Don’t forget about the scoff.

“How do you mean, Chris?” 

Chris drops his tude and sits up, and in two seconds flat, he goes from sassy back to shy again. “Like how my mommy loved him.” 

The room stews in silence for a moment as Buck collects his thoughts. “Romantically?” He counters, and Chris nods his head. “W-why would you ask that?” 

It must not have come out the way Buck wanted it to, because Chris bows his head. “I’m sorry.” 

“No.” Buck shakes his head softly, tilting Chris’s head up gently by his chin. “ _I’m_ sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way, I was just a little surprised.”

“I know it’s none of my business.” Chris starts to shrink away, leaning his head away from Buck’s hand. “Am I in trouble?”

“Christopher, you are _not_ in trouble. In fact... you may be onto something.” 

“Really?” Chris asks in a bit of a relief.

“Yes.” And he hates the fact that that brings a smile to Chris’s face, because it’s all just false hope. “But...” There goes the smile. Chris is smart enough to know what “but”, in that tone of voice means. “I don’t think your dad feels the same way.”

“But dad loves you.” The determination in Chris’s voice breaks Buck's heart.

“I know that. I know he does.” Buck’s hands reach for one of Chris’s. “I think he loves me a _lot_ ,” he leans in and whispers playfully, as if to indirectly tease the absent man, and Chris giggles. It stops when Buck’s face goes solemn again. “But, he loves me as just a _friend_.” 

Chris furrows his eyebrows. “So… you love him, and want all the kissing stuff; and dad loves you, but _doesn’t_ want all the kissing stuff?”

“Yes.” Bucks nods. 

“Oh.” Chris’s head bows again, this time to hide his teary eyes.

Buck brings both hands to Chris’s cheeks to find them wet. “Hey, don’t be upset.” He doesn’t think he could feel more sorry than he does right now. His eyes begin to tear up, along with Chris’s. Buck hates to admit it, but he’d been holding them in for a while.

Chris reaches up over Buck’s shoulders to hug him once he sees. “I’m sorry.” He cries.

Buck knows his voice will break if he speaks, but he does anyway. “It’s okay.” Chris’s hair brushes his face, and he can’t help but turn into it, pressing a kiss there. “It’s okay.” he repeats.

“This is embarrassing.” Chris whines.

“Why?”

“Because my dad is an idiot.”

Buck probably shouldn’t laugh as hard as he does at the insult, but it _is_ really funny. “No, he isn’t.” he tries to scold, but it just comes out with a sigh. _He’s not an idiot, he’s just him._ “You can’t help how you love someone, or in which way you love them.” He squeezes Chris a little more, before disassembling the hug.

“I didn’t want to make you sad.” Chris apologizes, when he sees Buck wiping his eyes. Looking down at the boy, Buck sees tears still on his face. He wipes those away too.

“It’s okay to feel sad sometimes, superman.”

“Since dad _never_ feels the same about you,” Chris sounds genuinely curious, “do you feel sad _all_ the time?” There’s a very visible layer of concern in his voice too.

“No, buddy.” Buck almost doesn’t see it, but Chris visibly relaxes. “He’s still my best friend. Regardless of whether or not he will ever love me in the way that I love him, I still feel _incredibly_ lucky that he loves me at all. And I couldn’t ask for more. Especially,” He ruffles Chris’s curls. “when he’s the reason I get to spend a lot of my days with _you_.” He grins back at the kid when he beams up at him.

“And where would I be if I let this get me down everyday?” Buck adds. “I still have a lot of things in my life to be happy about.” 

Chris reaches out for another hug. “I love you, Bucky.” 

“I love you too, Christopher.”

A set of footsteps joins the sound of sniffles in the room, followed by Eddie's voice. “What’s going on in here?” he asks fondly. 

For a second, Buck tenses, knowing Chris will jump to answer, and he worries about what’ll come out of his mouth. But really, he doesn’t need to. “Ms. Tracie at school said it’s hug-day.” Buck tries not to laugh at the adorably ridiculous cover up. 

“Hug-day?” Eddie asks scoffing and holding out his arms as if to say, _what gives_. “Where’s mine then?”

Chris giggles before sliding off the couch and walking up to his father. “Right here!” He beams, arms wide.

“Aww.” Eddie laughs fondly, then squats down to accept his hug. “That’s great, Christopher. You have some smart teachers there.”

  
When Eddie’s eyes flick up to meet Buck’s over Christopher's shoulder, his facial expression is a knowing one. Buck blanches and his world almost stops. _He heard everything_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos and comments mean a lot to me. <3 Thank you for reading!


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